Cultural scripts of grandparenting and the cultural representations of ageing

In comparison with the role of mother, father or parent, the role of grandparent is much less associated with clear normative expectations. Silverstein, Giarrusso and Bengtson (Reference Silverstein, Giarrusso, Bengtson and Szinovacz1998) even consider normative ambiguity to be one of the key characteristics of this role. This leaves the extent and character of grandparents’ involvement in care the subject of constant negotiation. The lack of clear guidelines about how this role should be performed is reflected in the heterogeneity of the ways in which individuals fulfil this role. Empirical studies can be found that defy the various typologies of the grandparental role with respect to how involved grandparents are in care, the nature of their relationship to their grandchildren, the different positions they may occupy within the family and the type of care they provide (e.g. Gauthier Reference Gauthier2002; Mueller, Wilhelm and Elder Reference Mueller, Wilhelm and Elder2002). Despite the aforementioned ambiguity of the grandparental role and the great variability in its fulfilment, certain normative ‘grand’ expectations can be identified (Kemp Reference Kemp2004). These include, for example, the requirement that grandparents do not significantly interfere with the rules about how grandchildren are raised, which should be determined by the parents (Breheny, Stephenson and Spilsbury Reference Breheny, Stephenson and Spilsbury2013; Kemp Reference Kemp2004; May, Mason and Clarke Reference May, Mason, Clarke, Arber and Timonen2012). These normative expectations, however, do not represent any stable or historical contexts. On the contrary, these are expectations that reflect wider societal values – such as the increased emphasis on individualism, reflected in the requirement for grandparents to be independent of younger generations (Kemp Reference Kemp2004).

Notions of the grandparent role are changing, as are notions of older people's place in society. Uhlenberg (Reference Uhlenberg and Silverstein2005: 92) calls these notions ‘cultural scripts of what it means to be a grandparent’. For example, at the beginning of the 20th century, grandparents were often described as people who could potentially interfere in the relationship between grandchildren and their parents, and there were even cases where their influence was linked to the grandchildren developing mental disorders. In this case the close connection between old age and powerlessness, backwardness and illness was also reflected in the perception of capability and the position of grandparents (Uhlenberg and Kirby Reference Uhlenberg, Kirby and Szinovacs1998: 39). The current middle-class cultural script of grandparenthood is based on the idea of the grandparent as an autonomous participant, a sensitive companion and a friend for the grandchildren. It resonates with the current representation of successful ageing showing older age as a period in which people are retired but still in good health, active and economically secure (Uhlenberg Reference Uhlenberg and Silverstein2005). Within this framework, the grandparent role is represented as another part of the project of seeking personal fulfilment during the third age.

Societal representations of ageing make up the fundamental frame in which values relating to the grandparent role are constructed. The third age vision and the current politics of active, successful and healthy ageing fundamentally redefine the values associated with ageing and life after retirement. Activity is becoming a crucial framework for these representations. Activity is currently perceived as a rather unquestioned requirement on the path to ‘good’ and ‘healthy’ ageing. As Katz (Reference Katz2000) notes, activity has become an ethical keyword, framing the current understanding of ageing. It is becoming an inseparable part of professional vocabulary and the subject of many (not only) gerontological studies focused on mapping the relationship between activity and satisfaction and wellbeing and health in old age. Activity is presented as a positive force that can help ‘fight’ ageing and minimise the risks of dependence or illness (Rudman Reference Rudman2006). The vision of active ageing is based on the presumption that ‘the active lifestyle is positively connected with other ethically appreciated values such as self-autonomy, better health, life satisfaction and life quality in general’ (Avramov and Mašková Reference Avramov and Mašková2003: 24). This normative vision thus implicitly presumes that being active also means being happier or at least ageing ‘better’.

On the level of social policy, activity has become a distinctive tool for re-defining the meanings associated with old age and ageing, and offering a new framework in which to contemplate what demographic ageing and its impact may mean. In accounts of ageing as an opportunity (not a threat), active ageing is presented as a positive response to the challenges associated with demographic ageing and the key to addressing them successfully. The solution to the threats of demographic ageing offered by active ageing is mainly a production of specific types of subjects ‘colonised’ by activity with the emphasis on productivity (Moulaert and Biggs Reference Moulaert and Biggs2012). However, not all activity is defined as meaningful in the discourses of active ageing (cf. Biggs Reference Biggs2001). Critiques of these representations of ageing highlight the very narrow conceptualisation of what it means to age actively, as it relates mainly to labour market participation, life-long learning and leisure activities (Hepworth Reference Hepworth, Bunton, Nettleton and Burrows1995; Clarke and Warren Reference Clarke and Warren2007; Katz Reference Katz2000). As Biggs (Reference Biggs2001) points out, active ageing policies challenge the ageist images of ageing and offer a form of social inclusion based on work and activity. At the same time, however, some activities, such as care-giving, are not included in these agendas.

There has always been great importance attached to the involvement of grandparents in the care of young children in Czech(oslovak) society. Večerník and Matějů (Reference Večerník and Matějů1999: 102) even describe the system of intergenerational dependence as one of the crucial characteristics distinguishing the Czechoslovakian family from the then nuclear families west of our borders. Care provided by grandmothers was historically one of the necessary conditions for women to return to the labour market after maternity leave (Hašková, Maříková and Uhde Reference Hašková, Maříková, Uhde, Hašková and Uhde2009). Although we can currently find evidence that the norm of the intensively involved grandparent is changing in Czech society (Petrová Kafková Reference Petrová Kafková2010),Footnote ¹ care provided by a grandparent still represents one of the most preferred forms of child care in the eyes of Czech parents (Höhne et al. Reference Höhne, Kuchařová, Svobodová, Št'astná and Žáčková2010). In the Czech Republic, around 30 per cent of grandparents take care of grandchildren under the age of ten on a daily or weekly regular basis, whereas approximately one-fifth of Czech grandparents are not involved in the care of grandchildren at all (Hasmanová Marhánková and Štípková Reference Hasmanová Marhánková and Štípková2014: 17). Gender represents one of the most distinctive involvement determinants. Approximately 37 per cent of grandmothers, compared to 23 per cent of grandfathers, are involved in the intense care of small grandchildren (Hasmanová Marhánková and Štípková Reference Hasmanová Marhánková and Štípková2014: 20). On average, grandfathers thus spend four hours a week less time taking care of grandchildren than grandmothers (Höhne et al. Reference Höhne, Kuchařová, Svobodová, Št'astná and Žáčková2010: 37).

A comparison with previous generations of grandmothers: how (in)active grandmothers were in the past

In participants’ narratives, previous generations of grandmothers were represented as calm, caring women whom the women remembered with love. However, the grandmothers interviewed also emphasised that the relationship their grandmothers had with them was different from the relationship they currently have with their grandchildren. In the grandmothers’ memories, their grandparents were relatively distant figures with whom they spent holidays, but did not have any closer, more personal relationship. The mothers interviewed, by contrast, spoke of their own grandmothers as having been an important part of the family and as people with whom they had spent a lot of time when they were children. In these mothers’ narratives two largely distinctive profiles of grandmothers emerged. The first was a grandmother figure who basically supplemented the parental role (picking children up from school, babysitting when the kids were sick, etc.). The role of and time spent with this type of grandmother differed little from the everyday care provided by the parents. The second and more common depiction of the mothers’ grandmothers was one in which the previous generation of grandmothers were figures whom the children associated with holidays and weekends. Asked how they spent their free time with their grandmothers, the mothers did not enumerate a list of activities or hobbies they did together, but rather described the homely atmosphere their grandmothers created:

The quotes above also reveal that in the mothers’ descriptions their grandmothers were mostly associated with activities traditionally connected with the role of women, such as baking and housework. They remembered the time they spent with their grandparents as a time of adventure and escape from their everyday routine. However, the adventures and activities of that time were not directly associated with the grandparents themselves, but rather with the place they lived (usually a village), which itself offered new stimuli, and with the presence of other relatives (mostly cousins) and a specific atmosphere. In these narratives, the grandmothers were constructed as the ones who created a sense of family, who, through their care, kept the household functioning smoothly. The mothers noted that, compared to the current generation of grandmothers, the previous generation devoted their full attention to caring responsibilities and housework, with no significant ‘competition’ from jobs or hobbies. The current generation of grandmothers was described both by the grandmothers themselves and by the mothers as different from previous generations. Josefína (grandmother) noted, for instance, that these days ‘grandma has to do more’. She described herself as an ‘emancipated grandmother’ who had worked all her life and wanted to go back to work. Her own grandmother, in her words, ‘didn't have an easy life, but it was quieter’. Similarly, the mothers interviewed also highlighted the fact that the current grandmothers’ generation are ‘working grandmothers’, whereas the previous grandmothers’ generation, in their memories, were fully concentrated on caring for the household. However, today's mothers did not view this full focus on care as positive compared to the current generation of grandmothers. On the contrary, they often talked about the previous grandmothers’ generation as ‘passive’, while describing their own mothers and mothers-in-law as ‘active’, ‘full of action’ or ‘modern’. In their descriptions, passivity referred to a different form of care provided by the previous grandmothers’ generation. The essence of that care was mostly about being present and providing all the necessary services involved in the routine, everyday care of a child and household. The current grandmothers’ generation, by contrast, are, as the mothers described them, more focused on building a relationship with the grandchild and providing fun, not just basic, care:

Similarly, the grandmothers also described themselves as different, as more active and confident than previous generations of women:

The dichotomy between being active or passive, or the modern and the traditional, represented one of the most significant frames that the women used when comparing the current grandmothers’ generation with their own grandmothers’ generation. It is apparent that the opposite sides in this dichotomy also bear different connotations. Although the participants always remember their own grandparents with love and never belittled the importance of the care provided by them, the difference observed in the current generation of grandmothers, a difference associated with their active lifestyle and the diversion from concentrating (only) on looking after the household, was presented by both the mothers and the grandmothers as positive. Therefore, in these descriptions, the references to being active also became a tool for reclassifying definitions traditionally associated with the grandmother's role and a manifestation of a generational transition for which the women were grateful.

What should grandmothers be like? The mothers’ perspective

Within these narratives about the ideal role of a grandmother and what kind of grandmothers the current generation of mothers would like to be in the future, the mothers interviewed established and presented ‘cultural scenarios about what it means to be a grandparent’ (Uhlenberg Reference Uhlenberg and Silverstein2005), and, through that, also revealed the wider societal notions of the role of older people in society. In these moments, activity served as one of the distinctive normative frameworks of the picture of the ideal grandmother and the nature of care that ideal figure provides. While they described their own parental role with the association of the everyday routine duty of the care of children, the grandmother's role was placed in contrast to this character of care. In their descriptions, the ideal grandmother is not supposed to supplement or copy the care provided by the parents, but should instead provide a different dimension of care. In these descriptions, the ideal grandmother offers ‘not only’ help with care, but also fun and experiences:

In these descriptions, ideal grandmothers often acted in accordance with the idea of the third age as a time inhabited by self-sufficient, relatively healthy, and above all active seniors who involve their grandchildren in their lifestyle, have hobbies and spend their free time actively. In these descriptions, the ideal grandparent was not only a present, loving figure, but also a mediator of meaningfully spent time. As is apparent from the above-mentioned quotations from mothers, not all the time spent with grandparents can be perceived as meaningfully spent. In these cases, activity often served as the line that distinguished ‘just babysitting’ from ‘meaningfully spent free time’, which the mothers associated with the ideal of what a grandparent's role should be. Mothers viewed grandparents’ engagement in activities with their grandchildren in a positive light as something that differentiates the care provided by grandparents from the care provided by parents. The ideal grandmother would be not only a care-giver, but also a source of experiences, which strengthen the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, and thereby make it precious:

Mothers often talked about the fact that the ideal grandmother ‘helps in the grandchild's development’ (Judita, mother), or ‘gives them something that the parents can't’ (Dagmar, mother). Vanda, for example, summarised her idea of the ideal grandmother or grandfather with these words:

In these descriptions, the ideal grandmother is no longer just a care-giver and creator of the sense of family, but is somebody who should introduce the child to new interests and activities and should focus mainly on his or her development, which takes precedence over providing routine home care. As stated by Arber and Timonen (Reference Arber, Timonen, Arber and Timonen2012: 252), the idea that the older people should be active and productive represents a crucial transformation in the normative expectations imposed on the current-day seniors in Western societies. These representations of ageing have emancipating ambitions. Within these discourses, activity and productivity become distinctive mechanisms for relabelling the negative images of ageing (Biggs Reference Biggs2001). However, at the same time, these representations of active ageing, despite their emancipatory promises, produce new forms of normative expectations which can even increase pressure on older women. Today, it is not enough to just be present and help, as it was in case of the previous generation, but the ideal grandmother must also bring the child something new, create experiences and further the child's development. The emphasis on productivity is thus also becoming the new framework for the conceptualisation of the actual care that grandmothers should provide. Within the framework of the cultural scenario of the ideal grandparent that the mothers constructed during the interviews, grandmothers acted in accordance with the current representations of the older people as productive best agers who, through their activity, benefit others and society as a whole (Lessenich Reference Lessenich and Torp2015).

The current importance of activity in how the grandparental role is constructed, however, is most visibly demonstrated by the ways in which the mothers themselves related to their future roles as grandmothers. The question of what kind of grandmother they would like to be in the future was identically answered with reference to the fact that they would like to be the grandmother who does not intervene too much in upbringing, is willing to always help their children and is an active grandmother.

The phrase ‘active grandmother’ in these accounts represents the idealised vision of old age, which, however, does not actually have any characteristics stereotypically associated with ageing. In these narratives, ‘activity’ or ‘being active’ mostly referred to physical activity, sports, and the possibility of passing on and sharing experiences (showing the children something new or taking them on trips). In their idealised visions of their future role as a grandmother, mothers imagined themselves as the embodiment of the ‘third age’ lifestyle. They constructed a vision of their own grandmotherhood through references to an active lifestyle and free time, without such barriers as a job, care or their own limited self-sufficiency. Being an active grandmother thus also implicitly presupposes being in rather good health and having enough economic resources and free time to invest in the grandchildren. The mothers embraced this vision of their future as the easily accessible standard, expected and widely shared ideal. Only Irma considered that it is an ideal that might be hard to fulfil:

The frequency with which the word ‘active’ occurred in these descriptions of the ideal grandmother underscores the central place being active occupies in current depictions of life in older age. In these accounts, being active becomes a mechanism that distinguishes ‘good’ ageing from less desirable ideas (e.g. Hurd Reference Hurd1999; Lund and Engelsrud Reference Lund and Engelsrud2008; Townsend, Godfrey and Denby Reference Townsend, Godfrey and Denby2006). In the case of images of the grandmother role, it is becoming a symbol of the ideal of care provided by current grandmothers, and also a crucial defining feature of the person today's mothers would like to be as a grandmother. The mothers’ narratives thus show that activity has become a presumed ideal of the fulfilment of the role of grandparent and the new normative framework through which women relate to their own ideas about life in old age.

What kind of grandmother am I? The role of activity in the grandmothers’ accounts

In all cases, the grandmothers related to their own grandparental role as a crucial part of their life, even though the amount of involvement in the care of grandchildren and the intensity of contact with them differed considerably. Grandmothers often contrasted their current grandparental role with their previous parental role. In these descriptions, old age was portrayed as a time of freedom, when there is no longer a need to harmonise work and family life, and, in contrast with the parental role, the responsibility for rearing and routinely meeting a child's needs is over. In the absence of these barriers, the space that remains is exclusively for building a relationship with the child. In this regard, the women stressed that a grandmother should (and can) above all enjoy spending time with her grandchildren.

In the women's narratives, being a grandparent was described as a role that occupies a primary place in the period of one's old age. The persisting availability norm that associates the ideal grandmother with always being an available and willing source of help and care is apparent from the participants’ narratives. At the same time, however, there was a very distinctive, albeit small, group of women among the participants who had a higher level of education and lived in larger towns who explicitly defined themselves as opposed to the availability norm and who presented a much more ambivalent image of negotiations on the involvement of grandmothers in care and definitions of the grandparental role. These women represented a rather specific group, in regard to both their lifestyle and their socio-economic characteristics. Their daily regime was significantly organised around leisure activities, they often attended specialised (in most cases language) courses for seniors and enrolled in the University of the Third Age. Their active lifestyles were an important part of how they related to their life after retirement (cf. Hasmanová Marhánková Reference Hasmanová Marhánková2014), and also a distinctive axis of their conceptualisation of the grandparental role. In their narratives they pointed out the need to mark out a clear place for grandparenting in their life, taking into account their other needs and efforts, in order to preserve their independence and their own way of life:

Libuse's reference to the fact that she is probably not ‘the average grandmother’ – i.e. a grandmother who would always babysit under any circumstances – as well as the need to justify why she is not and does not want to be that kind of grandmother, show that the idea that a grandmother should always be available still strongly determines the cultural script about what the grandmother's role should be, to which even women who do not fulfil it must relate. Libuse spoke proudly about her active lifestyle and was determined to keep it, even if she sadly confessed that it had become a source of conflict with her daughter, who would welcome more involvement from her in caring for her grandchildren.

The need to also ‘have time for yourself’ (Magda, grandmother) also resonated in the accounts of women living a similar lifestyle to Libuse. These women often pointed out the harmful effects of excessive involvement in the care of grandchildren when it becomes the only way to fill free time in old age. Although they talked about their grandchildren with love and devoted a significant amount of their free time to them, they also pointed out that becoming ‘just’ a grandmother is not good for them or their grandchildren:

As in the interview with Vera, an active lifestyle that is not only focused on child care is their guarantee that in later years, when the grandchildren no longer need as much care, they will not end up with an empty life and, at the same time, they will be sufficiently ‘interesting’ for their grandchildren:

In this regard, Magda cited the negative example of one friend who dedicates all her free time to caring for her grandchildren. This intense involvement in care did not appear in this conceptualisation of the grandparental role as a precondition for its convenient fulfilment. In contrast to the norm of constant availability, these women established a new normative framework for the role of grandmother where activity becomes a significant part of ideas about ‘good’ grandparenthood. These women talked about themselves with pride as ‘active grandmothers’ and they emphasised their active lifestyles as an important part of their idea of life in old age. Like the mothers, they pointed out that it was their active lifestyles that make them potentially valuable for their grandchildren:

Vera also points out that you have to have your own interests as well, and that that is the very thing that makes her interesting for her grandchildren. If grandmothers only focus on care, they have nothing else to offer the grandchildren. What is more, she talked about herself as a grandmother who wants to be interesting because of something else (other than being a grandmother) as well. In the women's narratives, activity was an important part of the image of the ‘ideal grandparent’ they constructed. Similarly, like in the mothers’ testimonies, it symbolically distinguished ‘active grandmothers’, who are interesting for the grandchildren, from the ‘less’-interesting grandmothers. In this context, Vera spoke about the fact that, thanks to her interests and active lifestyle, she has ‘a bit of an edge over the other grandmother’. In these descriptions, activity and personal interests are a kind of capital that the grandmother can offer her grandchildren. At the same time, it acts as a tool to build up their own self-image in old age and define themselves in relation to their peers. In this context, the activity norm must also be perceived with regard to its stratification dimension. Among the grandmothers, the emphasis on an active lifestyle was typical for women with a higher level of education living in towns, and who had the opportunity, as well as the economic and cultural capital, to fulfil this image of an active grandmother. Although the activity norm was presented by these women as the ideal to which they compared other grandparents, the lifestyle to which it referred was typical for only a certain group of women.

Emancipation through activity? Reflections on the discourse of active ageing in representations of ‘good’ grandmothering

In light of the long tradition of associating old age with being passive, more and more frequent images of old age emphasising activity and independence may look like an unequivocally positive change in the view of this stage in a person's life, and as a path to increasing the social status of older people (Walker and Dlitt Reference Walker and Dlitt2000). However, and unfortunately, the emancipatory potential of active ageing representations is much more ambivalent than it would seem from the aforementioned statement. This fact is very well illustrated by the cultural script of what it means to be a ‘good’ grandmother that was presented by the women in the interviews. This scenario emphasising that grandmothers should not be ‘merely’ grandmothers and care-givers, but should be engaged in an active lifestyle from which the grandchildren can also benefit, reflects in many ways the transition of societal definitions associated with ageing, where activity is becoming the crucial framework. It presents old age as the life period that should be filled with personal interests. At the same time, to a significant extent, it re-labels traditional definitions associated with the gender role of women as care-givers. It presents grandmothers as experienced mediators who help grandchildren develop through their own interests and whose free time is not devoted solely to others’ needs. As noted by Beck-Gernsheim:

According to Beck-Gernsheim, these grandmothers will approach their grandparental role with different expectations, greater flexibility and a decreased willingness to subordinate their time to caring. The presence of activity as a new normative framework for the grandparental role also brings with it greater variability in ideas on what the role of grandmother brings, which are framed with traditional gender expectations.

At the same time, this emphasis on the older people having their own interests, and therefore fulfilling the idea of active ageing and active grandparents, easily comes into conflict with other norms associated with the grandparental role. Grandmothers are subject to contradictory demands: to preserve their own active lifestyles and interests and, at the same time, to be always available and ready to rush to help their family. The contradictory nature of these grandparental norms is illustrated by the testimony of Judita (mother). She, on the one hand, emphasises that the ideal grandmother ‘should still have her own life’ and ‘it shouldn't be like, so now I have grandchildren and I'll never do anything else’, but on the other hand, in a different part of the interview, she blames her mother for not being fully involved in her role as grandmother and not subordinating her lifestyle to it:

The complex way in which women have to negotiate between these contradictory requirements is also documented in the story of the aforementioned Libuse, who intensively cares for her disabled husband, tries hard to preserve her interests and tries to be a good grandmother. With her lifestyle, she fulfils the idea of an active ageing grandmother who ‘has something to offer’. However, at the same time, she faces reproach from the middle generation for not being the ideal grandmother who is available every day:

In a situation where there is a persisting societal norm that grandmothers will always and happily rush to help with the grandchildren (which in the Czech Republic is further strengthened by the limited availability of pre-school care services), the requirement that grandmothers be active and enrich their grandchildren with their own experiences becomes just another normative expectation that strengthens the sense of ambivalence grandmothers feel about care norms and intergenerational solidarity.

At the same time, the imperative of an active lifestyle in old age undermines the position of those who cannot have such a lifestyle, e.g. because of worsening health. All the women interviewed were in relatively good health and were conscious of this fact as a precondition for their involvement in caring for their grandchildren. Concerns about whether they would still be able to comply with this role in the future most often resonated in the interviews with older women who emphasised their active lifestyle and their ‘active’ grandmother role. For many of them, the prospect of worsening health was a dreaded threat that would put their ability to be actively involved in care at risk. In this regard, health became an important precondition for their ability to be active and, therefore, also fulfil the ideal of being a grandmother who is not only available, but also shares her experiences.

Sighing with this comment, Vera presents a distinction between ideal grandparents and grandparents who do not have this kind of value. Activity, or rather the ability to be active (which is dictated by health, among other things), is the axis of this distinction. It is certainly possible to be a grandmother who is not active and can ‘only’ talk with her grandchildren; however, in Vera's opinion, fulfilling the grandparental role in this way holds little appeal. The emancipatory promise heralded by a vision of old age that is associated with being active is consequently very limited. To paraphrase Vera's statement, under the dictum of ‘being active’ in old age, those grandparents who lose their ability to offer their grandchildren entertainment and new experiences may easily come to be seen as ‘useless’.